Video Games and Some Fun in Between
by rossiya
Summary: Arthur is being stuborn about how much of a slacker Alfred can be. To maintain his laziness, Alfred decides he will take Arthur to play video games with him!
1. Chapter 1

"Oh, c'mon!" I whined, promptly throwing my head into the desk below.

"No ifs, ands or buts about it, Alfred," Arthur hissed at me, watching me harm myself with little to no concern for my health. I lifted my now bruised head to look at him, annoyed.

"You're nothing but a butt! Jesus Christ, Arthur, can't you cut me some slack! I have a lot of video games I wanna plaaay! And- and- I finally got _Dante's Inferno_ with my paycheck! I've been seriously itching to play that!"

"So you'd rather rot in front of a TV screen with some stupid game based off an ingenious poem instead of reading the poem itself?" Arthur sighed. "Can you be any more stupid?"

_Aggghhh._

Dude. Arthur could be such a dick!

I stared at him with my jaw dropped. How could he not understand something like that! The guy probably never played video games in his life!  
>Man, what a pain in the ass.<p>

Abruptly, an idea slammed into my skull harder than I had thrown a baseball into Matthew's jingle berries.

"Why don't you come and play 'em with me!"

Arthur started with a look of annoyance, then a look of confusion, then a look of straight up asshole-ness.

"Pfft, no fucking way," he said, much too bluntly for my liking. I head-desked again. "Quit being a fucking asshole, Arthur! Any more of this bullshit and my nose will become one with my eyes."

"Good."

And again, I got familiar with the table's wood.

I groaned out a "Fuuuuuuuuucccckkkkk," lifted my head off the table with a new bruise on my face and then shoved a finger in Arthur's face. He winced in return and then went cross-eyed in order to glare at my finger, then furrowed those super-sized (HAH-HAH) eyebrows. "What in Sam's hell are you doing, Alfred?"

"You're comin' to my house today," I said, wearing my amazing hero voice.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I said so!"

"And what if I refuse?" Arthur inquired, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking wryly at me.

I put on my heroic smile and then gave my famous thumbs up with the hand I was pointing at him with, "Or I'll drag you there!"

Arthur was cocky enough to laugh at me. "Oh, really? Well, I refuse."

"You're loss, man. Coulda been easier," I said, shrugging. Arthur huffed heavily out of his nose. "I doubt you could even lift me off the ground, you-"

I hoisted him over my shoulder with ease.

Arthur immediately started to struggle, throwing his arms into my back and kicking. The little guy was funny to watch flail around like that!  
>I turned on my heel, beginning to go elsewhere.<p>

I should stop by Mccy D's, I told myself. Aw, Christ! I couldn't spend any money on McDonald's! I had to save up for all the dept I owed...  
>I mentally groaned. <em>Sooo unfaaaiiirrr...<em>

Oh, shit. Almost forgot about Arthur.

I almost dropped him on his head, but I remembered him just in time to swoop him up and carry him like those guys on TV do to those hot chicks in wedding dresses... uh, they get married, right? All I know is I've seen them get it on afterward.

I tried not to giggle at the thought of that.

"I demand that you unhand me this instant!" yelled Arthur. I almost instantly frowned; he could be SUCH a killjoy...  
>I tightened my grip on his leg and his side under his arm. "Aw, shut up."<p>

We were leaving the conference building and heading to my vehicle (Ford F-Series, bitches!), easily unlocking my doors and opening the driver side with Arthur in my arms. I carefully put Arthur's head in first, and eased his legs in...  
>...and threw him over to the passenger side. He yelped and landed face first in my leather seat.<p>

I slipped into the car, flicking the door shut. "You okay there, old man?"

I heard him grumble curse words into the seat, watching as he pushed off the door to help turn himself the right direction. He slammed himself back into the seat on his ass. "I ought to rip your paycheck in half for this," he hissed at me, not looking at me as he slammed the seat belt over his waist.  
>I stared at him blankly.<p>

I wondered why he was angry. I shrugged it off simply and slid my key in, starting the truck up and shifting it to reverse, then went on our way.

I turned on my radio.

"Durufu!~ Lady Gaga!" I exclaimed, lip singing to her "Bad Romance." Dude, Lady Gaga was epic! I met her in person, and you know what? She really does wear pants!

I laughed loudly and turned up the volume. "I want your romance~"

Arthur scowled. "Couldn't you listen to something a little better than this!"

I couldn't hear him over the radio. "Whaaaat?"

"Put on something else!"

"I can't hear you! You want me to make it louder!"

"NO, YOU GIT! Turn it off!"

"Turn it up!"

"Off!"

"_Uuup!_"

"**OFF!**"

"Okay, I'll turn it up!"

I turned the radio up all the way, the speakers bounding so hard that the streets were feeling it. The people in cars beside us were honking their horns, but neither of us could hear them over the music. Heck, our hair was even blowing back thanks to my speakers!

I know! Cool, right! My truck is so win!

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh~ Caught in a bad romance!" I sang along, waiting at a red light now. I was patting my steering wheel along to the beat, SUPER hyped about playing _Dante's Inferno_ with Arthur- the Lady Gaga song only added it the awesome-ness of right now!

Arthur was covering his ears with his hands. "GODDAMN IT, YOU BOLLOCK! TURN THIS SHIT OFF!"

The song came to an end, and I still couldn't hear Arthur barking at me to turn it off or he'd break my radio. I frowned once the song was over, but then I heard the host of the radio talk show say something that made me feel _great._

"Heeey everybody! I know you're all excited for the Lady Gaga Marathon!"

And then... there it was. My life... it was complete!

"_I'm just a horny fool, but baby it's so cruel! But I'm still in love with __**Judas**__ baby!_" the radio sung.

My face lit up so bright I blinded some midget in a jeep and made him turn the wrong way. I gripped Arthur's sleeve as tightly as I could, then shook him from side to side. He jerked left and right, looking a bit frightened and confused.

"OH, MY GOD, ARTHUR! THIS IS MY JAM! **MY JAM!**"

Without a pause, I began singing along to this song, too! Who wouldn't! _Judas_ is her best song! Whoever Judas is, he's one lucky fucker.

"I'm just a hawny fool~" (I learned "hawny" from Kiku! Real cool, right! I'm learning!) "-but bay-by it's so cruel~" ("bay-by" from Cuba. The guy still hasn't told me his name for some reason... Oh, well!) "-**I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH JUDAS BAY-BAY~!**" (I got really into that. Could you tell?)

I suddenly felt a terrible ache in my arm. I looked away from the street and turned to Arthur, who had punched me in the bisep. I turned down the radio to scold him when I heard horns blasting into my ears from cars all around us. I looked back at the light to see it was green, then turned to look back at the cars behind me.

Ooh, twenty stopped!

**A NEW RECORD!**

I fist pumped into my ceiling and began to drive again. "Dude, Arthur, that was uncool! What'd you hit me for?"

"You were being a terrible doucheba-"

"Never mind that thought- DID YOU SEE ALL THE CARS BEHIND ME! I totally stop their asses in their tracks! Hah-hah-haah!"

For some reason even though I was driving now, there were still honks going on behind us, and I heard a lot of "AWW"ings and "Fuck"s, too. I rolled down my window to peek my head out for a good look.  
>Hah-hah-hah! Those fuckers were stuck at the new red light! I laughed out loud as I turned back around. I heard Arthur grumble something as he crossed his arms over his chest.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the drive to my house was smooth sailin', you know, other than the repeated cursing from Arthur for me to stop jabbing him the side every time he wasn't paying attention. I giggled as I recalled it:

_"You have to pay attention to the road, Arthur!"_

_"I'm not the one driving, damn it!"_

I pulled into my driveway and pressed on my breaks, tugged the gear to park, then got an idea before I let go of it. I looked over at Arthur, who was again, glaring out the window on his side, arms crossed firmly over his chest, fat-ass eyebrows furrowed in annoyance- there. There was the idea that came into my mind.  
>He then began to unfasten his seatbelt, and then as quickly as I could, I threw my truck in reverse and stepped on my gas. Arthur's eyes widen so much as we sped out of my driveway again, almost hitting a car driving behind us, and then I stomped on the breaks. Arthur jerked forward, face-planting into the wind shield. I cackled and put the gear back in drive, and sped back into the driveway, knocking the little Brit back into his seat only to stomp on the breaks again and have his face meet with the glass of my wind shield a second time around.<p>

The car behind us stomped on their breaks out of fear; it was a bunch of hoochies flipping us off and cursing at us before driving off.

My smile grew and a laughed again, harder this time, holding my stomach. "That was pure gold! Did you see the look on their faces, Arthur! Did you see the look on _your_ face! Ahya-hya-hyaaaa!"

Arthur's face drug against the glass, making a squeaking noise until he flopped back into my seats, his expression appeared stunned. I laughed again while I removed my seatbelt.

"Ffff- Arthur, look in the mirror! HURRY! HURRY!"

Arthur ignored me, quickly pulling himself back and throwing the car door open, then hopping out. He stumbled over to my garage, catching his balance against it. I shrugged my shoulders and began to get out of the car too, and when I looked over at him again, he was giving a disgusted look at his palm, but quickly recovered an angry look in my direction. I shut the door behind me.

"Hey, shut your door, old man! I can't have my baby stolen," I told him.

Arthur grimaced whilst he drudged to the open car door, and kneed it shut. The Brit then came my way, with a sudden glimmer of triumph in his green eyes. He placed his hand on my back and gave it a nice rub.

"Let's head inside, shall we?"

I could almost smell the menace that hovered around him, but I paid it no mind. I only grinned widely. "Yeah! _Dante's In-fer-no! Dante's In-fer-no!_"

We went inside.

-

I had set up snacks all over the coffee table in between my couch and flat screen TV. Chips, sodas, crackers, bean dip, all sorts of chocolate (mainly Hershey's, though, 'cause that shit is awesome!), Ring Pops, suckers, Jolly Ranchers and a whole bunch of other crap. Arthur only stared at the table with another look of disgust. I didn't really notice though, I was way too into playing _Dante's Inferno_ to really pay attention to him.

There were demons all over the place! SUPER SCARY! Blood- all of that _blood!_

It practically brought tears to my eyes just to play it.

...**IT WAS SO AWESOME**.

Arthur looked at me as if he couldn't believe I was playing something like this. Suddenly, though, his face paled and his irises turned into beads.

A shaking finger pointed at me while I was tapping away at buttons on my game controller.

"A-Alfred," he tried.

"Yeah?" I didn't look at him.

"_Alfred,_" he tried again.

"Whaat?" Still not looking.

"**Alfred, look!**"

I clicked my tongue and paused the game, turned my head to him. "What the hell do you want, dude? Geez."

He jabbed his finger toward my shoulder. I made a questionable look as I gave a look to my shoulder. There were a ton of tiny, baby spiders crawling up my shoulder and toward my neck.

I did the first thing that came to mind: Screamed and flailed.

Arthur jumped, thusly standing on the arm of my couch. "Gaah! You git, take of the shirt! Take it off, hurry!"

I instantly obliged, ripping my shirt off as quickly as I could and then threw it on the floor, instinctively standing on the other arm of the couch.

"WH-wh-what the hell! Where the heck did those come from!"

Arthur had an instant shade of guilt wash over him, "Uh, I must have grabbed the mother's sack of eggs when I..."

My head turned to him and I narrowed my eyes.

"When you _what_?"

Arthur cleared his throat, not looking me in the eyes. "I accidentally squashed the larger spider... and I wiped it off on your back," he explained in a mumble, "I didn't know that I grabbed the babies!"

I wanted to shove him off the couch, but instead I looked down and cringed. There were baby spiders covering my floor! There were everywhere! The best thing I could do was be the hero and _squash_ them.

I looked at Arthur again, giving him the coolest look I could muster.

"I got this."

I leaped off the couch and began stomping on as many baby spiders as I possibly could. It was a good work out, too! And kind of fun, I have to admit. Well, not that I really enjoyed stomping on newborn spiders, but the whole _lift this foot, next foot, stomp stomp stomp_ thing was cool.

Arthur simply stayed on the couch, watching me with fear in his eyes. I guess he "didn't like" spiders?  
>I wanted to laugh at that thought.<p>

It took what felt like forever later to squashed _all_ the spiders. I sighed in relief. "Done!"

"Alfred, wait!" Arthur called out. "There's one more!" His hand jabbed toward a baby spider that was making a run for it toward my bathroom. Before I could ninja-leap over my couch to crush the thing, Arthur fished out a small stick with a star on the tip of it out of his pocket. He waved it a few times, then called out, "Dumbledora the Exlplora!" and flicked the stick in the direction of the spider. I raised an eyebrow until I saw a burst of white light come from the stick and hit the spider.

I grinned widely, almost delightfully surprised, "Whoa, Arthur that was cool!"

Arthur seemed pleased by that, and pretended to be modest.  
>"No, no... It was all in a day's work..."<p>

His eyes suddenly shot toward the spider again and his face paled once more. I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow before I looked over there too. My eyes widened and my face paled, too.

Instead of killing the spider, like we were both expecting, the magical beam made the spider the size of a tomcat. We both exchanged looks with each other and returned to the spider. We shared a scream.

The spider must have realized it had been a lot bigger, because now it was preparing to attack us! It charged our way. I looked around for the nearest weapon; the only thing I thought would be useful was the-

"COFFEE TABLE!"

I grabbed it at both ends, looking up to see the giant spider had launched itself at me, and then swung the coffee table at it, hitting it dead-on. The little monster flung into a wall and fell on its belly. After shaking off the pain, it began to charge again. I almost panicked and swung the coffee table again at it, again, knocking it elsewhere. That's when I got an idea.

"Hurry, Arthur, take off your pants and give them to me!"

Arthur looked at me like I was insane. "Pardon me!"

"I need them! Hurry up!"

The Brit's cheeks flushed, but he quickly obliged. He tossed his pants to me, exposing his UK flag boxers. I raised an eyebrow at them, "Really?"

He furrowed thick eyebrows. "SHUT UP AND DO AS YOU PLANNED, DAMN YOU!" he yelled.

I shrugged my shoulders again and proceeded to tie his pants legs together at the end, making them form a "O" shape. Then, I quickly removed my pants too, which Arthur seemed to be surprised at.

"What on earth are you-"

"Shut up," I interrupted. "I know what I'm doing! Keep an eye on the spider and yell if he's getting up."

I tied one of my pants legs to the loop of Arthur's pants.

Well, lookie there! A home-made lasso! _Now that's the American way._

Arthur began pointing vigorously toward the spider, "I-it's moving! Do something!"

I spun the loop of the "lasso" over my head. _I haven't done this since I was a cowboy, but I think I still got it,_ I thought quickly. I watched the spider twitch. Just as it began to stand up again, I threw the lasso. It leapt just in time to get caught.

I clicked my heels, even though I was only wearing socks, "YEEHAW! That's how you do it!"

Arthur seemed surprised but relieved.

I rushed over to the spider. Its eight legs were kicking wildly. Once I saw a chance, I swiped up all the legs in one hand, and tied them up with what remained of the "lasso."

As soon as I finished, I looked at Arthur with a thumbs up, "Told ya I got this!"

Arthur grimaced in response. "Well, 'Mr. Hero,' we still have to get rid of that thing," he said. "I'll handle that."

I puckered my lips. "Always gotta ruin the fun, huh?"

"Take a step back. I can do this."

I obliged, even though I didn't want to. I stood by the other end of the couch and watched what he was doing. He waved that stick thing in his hand again.

"H-hey, are you sure we should use that thing agai-"

"Silence! I need to focus, you git!" he interrupted me.

I frowned. "Whatever, dude..."

Then, Arthur closed his eyes. The light of the room suddenly dimmed a little. I wondered how the hell he did that (you know, like if this meant we were in a movie or something), although didn't say anything. He waved the stick around a few more times... "I send you to the fiery pits of hell, demon!"

A bright light burst from where the spider was a left a large amount of mist hovering around the room.

"Whoa," I said, "did it work?"

Arthur gave me a triumphant look again. "Yes, it di-"

"You called?" a new voice interrupted. Our heads turned in unison to look at where it came from.

The top part of a head peeked from my floor near the giant spider. Both of us instantly knew who it was.

"I... Ivan?"

"Da," the head replied.

We exchanged looks before returning to look at Ivan. "How did you...?"

"You summoned me, da? What is wrong? You two look as if you've seen a tomcat-sized spider."

Arthur's eye twitched with irritation, "We _did._"

"Oh?" Ivan's lavender eyes turned to the tied up, giant spider that seemed to tremble just looking at his head. Ivan's (already creepy) smile turned creepier.

Then, his arm came out of my floor, followed by the other one, and he pulled himself out entirely. He towered over the giant spider. "May I keep it?"

We both shuddered a little.

"Uh," I managed, "s-sure, bro. Take it."

The Russian giggled, and all of us could _see_ the evil lurking around his body. Arthur gulped and I took a step back.


End file.
